Day 0 of 30

It is the last night before I begin 30 days of no contact with my partner/SO. 

Friday night I set out a plan to go to his place and explain that we needed a break. Unfortunately, I led the discussion and situation as a break up and that complicated things. But I also thought that it was what needed to be done, but was unsure. 

We have been together for a little over 2 years. We just took our first flight-trip in Nov. 2024. But to be truthful, there have been times during this relationship where I was not sure if I was in love with him or was settling. 

Times when i felt he was unreliable and i expressed myself, he gave me reasons and I excused it and we moved on. But deep down, i really just buried it and continued to grow resentful. 

I will preface this, his reasons for things were not unjustified but when these reasons are told to me days or weeks after the initial discussion, that is miscommunication that causes damage. 

During this past 3-day weekend, we discussed a lot about our relationship. Initially starting off the conversation, I was mean, nasty, and honestly treated him as my emotional punching bag. I have felt so alone and resentful for so long, I did not want to control myself for once and just be who I used to be. Called on my old self, so to speak. 

He also pointed out my toxic traits -- which have led him to feel alone, not good enough and not cared for. These were things I did not know i was doing. After much talk, we decided that we would take 30 days of no contact to focus on ourselves, reflect and hope to strengthen our bond. 

We both were satisfied with this plan and although we are sad and will miss one another, we are excited for how it could help us. 

There were a couple times that we did almost call it off, but we are hoping this plan strengthens us. We are also aware it could make us realize we are not right for one another but we are hopeful and have the best of intentions. 

We have agreed that we need to be completely vulnerable after the 30 days and be honest no matter what. This wont work if neither of us is completely honest with how we are feeling with this process. 

We will also be outlining non-negotiable things in our relationship that cannot be set aside or not done.