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Day 3 of 30

Well I already missed a day of writing. That is not off to a great start. Ha Today I wanted to tell you that i went on 2 walks and worked out (cardio).  I also got over 10k steps in today which has not happened in a long while.  I am not getting used to the feeling of not being able to talk to you. I think about you more than I did before. I sent you a gift today, too. It is a book; one that you probably won’t read but hope you do.  I had my session with my therapist yesterday. She pointed out that due to reasons (that I do not remember now) that i have become over critical of you.  She says it is also good that we both are taking the time to reflect on ourselves so we can make this relationship work and respect each other, along with ourselves.  She also wants to put me back on anti-depressants as with the lack of energy and irritability, she states I am in a depressive episode. Given the fact that my environment and stressors will not change anytime s...
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Day 1 of 30 (Evening)

My first day of not talking to you has almost come to an end.  It’s uncomfortable not being able to say good night do tell you how my day was.  I was excited to tell you that I had 89 grams of protein before noon. I also wanted to tell you that I got about $70 worth of items donated for the foster dog.  I’ve thought about you most of the day. Before when we were still talking, I wouldn’t think of you as often.  I see already that I’m appreciating you more. I want to become better for you. 
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Day 1 of 30 (Morning)

It is officially Day 1 of no contact with my SO. I woke up a tad late so I have not had time to have coffee. Sleep was terrible due to all the wind. On my way into work, the nervousness and sadness began to rise, facing the fact that we won’t have contact for a whole month. Although I was feeling so much resentment, and that was not the right partner for me , I am missing what I took for granted , (which was partly the point of this plan for me). During the three days we had together, I focused on the things he did do for me. The things he did provide, not the things that he did not. I focused on spending time with him even if it meant I was just there for moral support. I made sure we went outside and talked.  As I told him when I left his house “as soon as we get used to it, it will be over.”
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Day 0 of 30

It is the last night before I begin 30 days of no contact with my partner/SO.  Friday night I set out a plan to go to his place and explain that we needed a break. Unfortunately, I led the discussion and situation as a break up and that complicated things. But I also thought that it was what needed to be done, but was unsure.  We have been together for a little over 2 years. We just took our first flight-trip in Nov. 2024. But to be truthful, there have been times during this relationship where I was not sure if I was in love with him or was settling.  Times when i felt he was unreliable and i expressed myself, he gave me reasons and I excused it and we moved on. But deep down, i really just buried it and continued to grow resentful.  I will preface this, his reasons for things were not unjustified but when these reasons are told to me days or weeks after the initial discussion, that is miscommunication that causes damage.  During this past 3-day weekend, we dis...
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